I am experiencing something similar to what I recall a writer saying about the writer's strike of 2008. He had intended to start his "Great American Novel" in the intervening months between the strike's onset and its resolution. Instead, he confessed that he played Play Station all day in his underwear. I'm there, in a sense. Although I continue to work in my current job, as practice administrator for a dental specialist, I find that the void that has opened in my daily time line (7pm to 1am, the time I would write essays and complete my homework) is being filled with eating in front of the TV while watching Dancing with the Stars. My momentum has stalled. In my experience I work best under pressure. There is no pressure to write at this point. In fact, there is pressure only to continue to function in my current role of breadwinner. My husband has been laid off again. It is beginning to feel like an annual event in this economy. While he searches for employment as a Graphic Designer, and he is a great one, I remain landlocked in the job that pays our bills and provides health insurance for both of us. I harbor resentment although I am trying to work through it. I am reading "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle, and although there is an element of New Age-iness that I tend to skirt in my daily life, I have been able to embrace many of the tenets of Eckhart's philosophy. So at this moment I am not doing what I would normally do under these circumstances. I am maintaining a degree of inner peace, when in the past I would lay awake at night dissolving in my own gastric juices as I imagined the beast at our door.
Back to the topic of writing, or in my case, not writing. I have two books in my head at this point. One, an expose on the dental industry (a la "The Devil Wears Prada", an idea that has been incubating in me since my first exposure to the lunacy of some dentists in the early '80's) and the second an idea for a series of books for older children and young adults that will incorporate the events of American History with the lives of people in their own age group. But, as I said, I am stalled, and using my current pickle as an excuse. The voice in my head tells me that I will never be able to write because I am pigeon-holed by my circumstances. Reading Tolle is helping me recognize that it is my ego that is sabotaging my momentum at this point.
So, until I get going on my projects, I will continue to blog so I can, at the very least, keep my fingers nimble on the keyboard.
Back to the topic of writing, or in my case, not writing. I have two books in my head at this point. One, an expose on the dental industry (a la "The Devil Wears Prada", an idea that has been incubating in me since my first exposure to the lunacy of some dentists in the early '80's) and the second an idea for a series of books for older children and young adults that will incorporate the events of American History with the lives of people in their own age group. But, as I said, I am stalled, and using my current pickle as an excuse. The voice in my head tells me that I will never be able to write because I am pigeon-holed by my circumstances. Reading Tolle is helping me recognize that it is my ego that is sabotaging my momentum at this point.
So, until I get going on my projects, I will continue to blog so I can, at the very least, keep my fingers nimble on the keyboard.
1 comment:
I am experiencing a similar feeling of stagnation since I graduated in December. I transitioned into a full time position at the job where I worked part time as a student, but put simply, I have just gotten extremely lazy. My leisure first began as a reward for all my consecutive years dedicated to education, but my boyfriend is concerned this "reward" has gone too far. It has been too easy to fall into a routine, but I am lucky to have inspiration in my boyfriend because he is very dedicated to his education and pushes me to work to my potential.
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